The bending of the soul…

I want to leave the old tattered cloth that I am and want to free my self from all the clutches.

Who am I behind the closed doors? Do I even know myself? The real me nobody tried to figure out, Even if I sight my problems, I am a selfish tout.

Everyone yesterday questioned that act of mine, what did this prodigious daughter do? She ought to have applied her mind.

No rights, no remedies they say! Who will pay for the hustling mind and torture that came my way?

I am a tortured soul, tortured by the world and it’s ways, tired of proving my worth at every step.

I lay as I am a lifeless vase.

To be used for pleasure, to be used for work, In doing and attempting to do, I forgot my worth.

Abused childhood

Abused adulthood

This is what I have seen from birth till now.

A girl always has to bow down.

No one hears my silent screams no one wants to either

I am nothing to the world, I am a codswallop for people……..

Choosing between maintaining the status quo or fait accompli

While reading the 103rd constitutional amendment the following questions cropped up:

  1. Can the executive policies for welfare in good faith or for selfish interests like vote bank politics affect the basic structure of the constitution?
  2. Economic basis is a transient class while social and educational backwardness is a permanent class?
  3. Are reservation only panacea for all the development problems India is facing, given the fact that government jobs are shrinking
  4. Why is the status quo being challenged by powerful castes like marathas, jats, gujjars and now govt made category of EWS?
  5. Will the reservation not go against the very tenets for which it was formulated and reinforce the caste domination.

Caste domination and growing caste reinforcement is a reality in India. The forward looking Indian polity should aim for creating an all inclusive atmosphere and not create an internal security issue for itself at the time when global political headwinds are hitting the Indopacific badly and the effect is very much felt in India.

Boredom and creativity

Boredom is the most understated emotion. A complete disinterest of the individual from his surroundings and the feeling that he has nothing to do leads to boredom. The repetitive human routine causes boredom. I was once so bored that I wrote a poem on boredom(not entirely on boredom).

Sleazy eyes besiege, as the drudgery of long day ensues.
The walk seems never-ending.
Glances by aliens make me feel like I’m covered less.
Objectified, stripped off by the appalling gaze.
Still, I rise, knowing that even respect is ostentatious……..

It may be external i.e, lack of cool people to hang out with or internal which may be due depression, anxiety lack of excitement for anything or just because the dopamine receptor of a person’s brain react to strong stimuli.

Apart from all the ills of it and how it makes us feel psychologically it is one of the most creative state to be in, according to the researches.

My upringing and schooling has been such that I like change. Due to reasons personal and professional I was shifted from a school every 2 years. Change became my second nature, and the level of excitement that was needed on the daily basis to carry out with this monotony also increased. That is I started becoming easily bored. But through my personal experience I can assure that it leads to creativity, I learnt a lot of new things just to kill boredom like blogging =, painting, reading which I didn’t think I could do.

Monotony exists in everyone’s lives, the thing is how to make it productive. The real test of the person’s strength is that with all the given circumstances how to bring the best out of himself.

Boredom is the most productive state to be in because it is the time when you are entirely left to yourself. Know yourself during that period and know what you really want, try to gather some self awareness and make the best use of the psychologically imposed state of disinterestedness…

The illusion of fear

We mortal beings are living constantly under the illusion of fear. We fear small things like getting late, the fear of being screamed at by parents, fear of missing out, fear of social acceptance and then there are major fears like fear of losing a loved one, death, career pressure and the fear of the unknown i.e, future. But when we reach at that point when the fear has already consumed us; meaning when we have faced all such things, it feels not so bad. We are actually fearing failures, failure of not scoring desired marks, failed relationships, broken marriage, failure at social acceptance.

But have we ever thought the real causes behind our failures? Have we thought about what exactly put us in that situation? Was it within our reach to solve it or beyond our reach? Was it because you gave your 100% or failed to gave it?

Friends, I have come up with a 4 point agenda to fear a little less and love a little more;

  1. Never Escape the problem at hand; the problem may be as simple as social media addiction(Each day is a blessing and you don’t want to waste it cribbing, being jealous of other’s posts. Because we all know that it is a overly glamourized version of our real life. It’s 110% fake; so what is this extra effort for? Now That you are aware that there is really a problem and you have duly acknowledged it.
  2. Look for the reasons; why did it happen at first place? You wasted time and effort at the wrong place; instead you should have had a healthy conversation with your loved ones who are real and have been wanting to talk to you. Or you could cook or paint or enjoy the spring; just leaving the sight of that screen. Constantly checking the screen for notifications. If you would care a little more about yourself and little less about the rest of the world this wouldn’t have happened at the first place. Find a work life balance. Do what you really want to do not what your instagram wants you too.
  3. Change the status quo; Now that you have identified the problem and also found reasons for the same. CHANGE!!!! This is the most important and the most difficult step. You could devote the time devoted to social media to a more constructive work like volunteering or gardening or any activity that makes you happy.
  4. Do not relapse; It’s difficult grasping new habits but it’s easier following the old ones. Train your brain and hands that No means No.

The fear will vanish if the problem vanishes. Never fear a future event instead prepare yourself for it. What is the worse that could happen, you could fail. That’s it. That happens to the best of us that doesn’t mean that we should stop trying.

You should always remember that Dreams are non-negotiable.

how was my day today…..?

Dear WordPress,

flower bed at UIRD

There are surely zillion kinds of personalities trawling this earth but I am kind of a person who treats leisure as an achievement unlike Italians who treat leisure as there right.

After a long long time I spent a day without any work targets to achieve, it was just a happy, smooth easy day which began with a family brunch, then papa took me to UIRD; had the pleasure of meeting the director, saw beautifully manicured lawns and tall trees.

bonsai of an ornamental citrus kept for display at nursery

Then we went to our nursery where I saw the beautiful plants being sold in different sizes and pots, I told my dad what changes I would like to see in the presentation, the office space and marketing and was glad that he approved some of them.

birthday celebrations

Then we went to meet one IFS officers parents. When we told them the reason of our visit, there eyes beamed with joy. I was so inspired by his parents and how humble they were and I wish to see the same happiness and pride in my parents eyes.

happy faces

and then I came home and celebrated my cousins birthday.

PS: We should never loose sight of what we really want and should never stop believing in one self. What one Rudrapur-ite has done 10 years ago, another Rudrapur-ite can do again, Just don’t stop believing.

CBI vs Mamata Banerjee

Jab geedar(jackal) ki maut aati hai toh sahar ki taraf baaghta hai… #period

It’s shocking that such big scams remain undercover and hidden from the public eye from so long and then there is an interesting plot of muscle power, evidence tampering, and non-cooperation with CBI. The timing of the probe is itself interesting. #Election drama. Elections are really a festival in India and an entertaining one.

The problem of being idealistic.

It’s a beautiful day, you get up all charged and pumped up to complete all the targets set by you and you are dragged into something that was not your fault and you are forced to take the blame. You are made the bait and the gun is fired by putting the barrel on your shoulder.

An opportunist will bear the indignity with no shame.

On the other hand, the idealist will waste the whole day thinking and what could have been done.

A realist, on the other hand, will do the cost-benefit analysis and make a move accordingly.

The problem of the idealist is that ideal circumstances never occur and not everybody gets a level playing field, some are on the higher footing while many others are on lower footing(in terms of inequalities, age, power etc).

In this world where muscle power and money decide where you stand, its difficult in being an idealist, because everybody has forgotten the rules of the game. In fact, truly nobody goes by the rules. Playing double standards, protecting themselves, making other people a bait.

If you play by the rules you always lose, and if you don’t you can’t be satisfied with your actions. This is briefly the idealist’s dilemma. It is sometimes really difficult to keep on treading on the right path, when you have a whole lot of people opposing you, try to put you down. People here are facing moral bankruptcy. Nobody is concerned about ethics and morals anymore.

Instead of teaching a few of us mortals morals, a child should be taught the shrewd ways of society and how to safeguard his or her interests. God save him if he is an idealist.

Comment down your views on the same I will be happy to hear from you all!


The place called Benaras

I am a firm believer in the destiny, you always be where you are destined to be. Benaras, was never in my list of potential college destinations it was either Bangalore or Hyderabad from the starting. But Here I was in Benaras, waiting nervously of what lied ahead. In a place, of which I had heard of nothing but negative remarks. Benaras ke thugs, banaras ki galliyan, banaras ka pollution, aur Benaras ke ghats(which are now redeveloped as my tenure here coincided with that of mr modi, just saaying!!) 🙂


The time spent in this place has been a turning point in my life. I met some of the most generous, adorable and loving friends who will stay with till eternity, and I met some of the worst people as well. Yes, Because the balance always has to be maintained. (yin and yang)


As my tenure here as a student comes to a end, I would like to pause for a moment and introspect what this place has actually done for me:-


1). It made me the strong, confident and responsible person that I am today. Trust me when I entered the huge boulevards of B.H.U. I could use none of the above mentioned adjectives for my anxious, panicky, 18 year old self.

2). It gave me the liberty to try and fail at academics, relationships, personal development etc. etc.

3). It taught me how to rise like a phoenix from the ashes and gave me strength each year to start afresh.

4). It taught me what kind of people you should never be friends with.

5). I have had some of my biggest achievements and some of the biggest set-backs in this place.

6). It taught me what its like to like in adversity. Away from home, in a different cultural scape, with language barriers and alien social surroundings 12 hours away from home. If I am told to like in Alaska, or Uganda or even Marshall Islands, Bring it on!

7). It taught me to wear many skins and the ability to change the skin as per the demand of the situation.

8). It taught me bits of Bhojpuri and french. 🙂

I am not saying that I like the place or I will miss it, but I have started to revere this institution and the values for which it stands. The experiences I have had here will stay with me forever.

I am surely gonna miss this foliage and hues!




New head of Pakistani state and its implications for India.

The institutional democracy framework of the developing countries has not been strong enough to ensure that the elections are always free and fair. This adds to the voters’ suspicion when there are frequent bombings in the rallies and campaigns. (as we saw during recent elections in Pakistan)

The military mulla alliance always works, I guess in the neighbourhood. Not explicitly supporting Hafiz Saeed was a move in the right direction but the real change will happen only when such hate emulating organizations are removed from the core.

The first issue with the election is the elected leader itself. Greek philosopher Plato had given us the concept of a philosopher king and he said that people with virtues be given a place in politics. Leaders with high morals and values should lead the country. A former drug addict, womanizer and a polygamist would turn out to be a not so perfect role model for our neighbours.

The second issue with the majority party is that it is backed heavily by the jihadists and Pak military alike. We are aware of their stance towards India. This could result in escalating tensions between the two neighbours. We saw the largest number of ceasefire violations of the decade. Infiltration and radicalisation in the valley are on the rise.

It is really disheartening to see how fundamental international relations disputes are used as a political gimmick. In a rather turbulent world dynamics that we have now, the whole focus of the world is on the Asia-Pacific region. Why can’t we rise above petty national politics and see the area as a whole? Why can’t we emulate the western model? Why has the region resorted to inhuman tricks of narco-terrorism and state-sponsored terrorism? Why are the values diminishing from the global political system?

Why are we building walls when we need to join hands? The hour is to hold hands in the process of development. I dream of Asia with free borders where there is the constant inflow of people, ideas, goods, culture and values. I dream of a free Kashmir. A true heaven on earth, without curfews, without funerals, happy and prospering. The time will stand testimony to the tryst with destiny.


Gender inequality vs. Religious traditions

The recent issue of the denial of women entry to the Sabarimala temple shows the worst form of gender discrimination in one of the most literate states of India.

This issue arose several questions in my mind:

Can traditions be correct for the very sake of it?

No, Swami Vivekananda said, As Sciences prove their existence by the method of rational justification so should religion.

Are religious practices infallible?

Again no, if they are discriminatory they certainly need be changed.
What about modern rights like liberty and equality enshrined in articles 15, 17 and 25?

The doctrine of reasonable classification and intelligible differentia under Art 14 is frustrated? Would you call a denial of women(9-50) years being denied right to pray solely on grounds of period intelligible? Certainly No.

Will a diety profess the taboo or be a mode to propagate the taboo of impure women?

Recently I learned that the diety at Kamakhya temple menstruates and it’s a huge celebration.

Once even practices like slavery, imperialism was also justified? But were they correct they changed, people brought that change.

The theory of widow penance was justified, the practice of Sati was justified. but they all were inhuman, draconian, which resulted in the enslavement of man by man. Religion and the society had accorded from starting a secondary character to women. Why shouldn’t we change that?



Pic Credit: RebelleSociety

That feeling of being alive.

We are living, but how many of us are alive? Do you remember that moment when you felt that you are alive? I do, and very clearly cause it happened just recently. 😛 I broke my leg a week before end sem. The fracture was a major one, so had to go through a 1.5 months plaster and then 2 surgeries. On the day when my second surgery was taking place, just the foot portion was locally made numb, therefore, I could properly hear and observe what all was happening. The doctor was so humble and compassionate. I could feel it in his eyes. And I felt that love and others being affected by my pain. After all the doctors and staff went outside the operation theatre, I was sitting there alone in freezingly cold temperature, with all the alien looking apparatus and cliqued heart monitoring device. That was the exact moment I was thankful to God and for the first time realized how precious gift this life is.

I have stopped caring about trivial matters and started observing more. I make it sure I live my day to the fullest. I am grateful to realize this very fact so early on in my life. I made a list of things that make me happy. The list is going to be my constant companion. It consists of simple things like wishing my grandma in the morning.



Spending 5-10 mins of plain quality time with family.



Brushing outside in open air.

Working with full efficiency and focus, Frankly, working with full dedication provides me with the most happiness more than anything else. That kind of dedication comes when you do the work that you always wanted to do.


Lastly, writing and to be able to articulate my thoughts also makes me happy because I felt a hard time doing that in my childhood.

This life gives us the opportunity to play so many different roles, enjoy each and every one of them.

Tell me in the comments down below, what is that one thing that really makes you happy! Don’t forget to stay happy and Keep Shining! ❤